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  • rando895 [she/her]@lemmygrad.ml
    23·
    12 days ago

    Coming out

    spoiler

    Came out to my parents and long story short, my little sister now has a big sister ready to throw hands at the slightest sign of manipulative, gaslighting bullshit from our parents.

    I’m so glad being myself has brought my sister and I closer together, and we can finally start to heal the shit we dealt with. Together.

  • lilypad [it/its, pup/pup's]@hexbear.netEnglish
    20·
    14 days ago
    i am not an identity state

    Hearing people talk about their identity is great! Other people expecting me to produce an identity is fucked. I am not a stative identity. Stative identity is bullshit. I am actions (well, lack thereof). How do people make these statements about themselves? Like, i only do it because people expect a statement, people expect a label, people expect me to be an identity. But im not an identity state, im an identity process.

    What i mean is, i am not a woman. I woman (verb). I am not a lesbian. I lesbian (verb). I am not a cyclist. I bike. I am not a gamer. I game. I am not a musician. I play music. I am not. I do. I am not a sub. I enjoy submitting. These statements of identity as a state one is in, they do not make sense. There is no thing. There is only isness.

    • TerminalEncounter [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      9·
      14 days ago
      spoiler

      I don’t tend to operate on that abstract level, I’m way more instinctive and embodied and trust my gut when she says “I am a woman” or “I am a nurse” or “I am creative” etc

      I do agree that who you are and what you believe is told by actions and that can be in tension or contradiction with what people say they believe (even only to themselves).

      Its a neat way to think of yourself as a process~

    • BountifulEggnog [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      8·
      14 days ago

      Identity for me is a label, a description of some group of traits. I’m trans because I have dysphoria and need to change how I am and how people perceive me. I’m an atheist because I don’t believe in a god or gods. I don’t necessarily like, identity as those things, I just am them. I fit into the box they describe.

    • dandelion [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      3·
      12 days ago

      tbh, static identity statements / concepts are so common for pragmatic reasons, the way they are used aren’t intended to imply some deeper metaphysical truth - lots of language works this way, communication is pragmatic more than it is precise or true (logical positivism died for reasons)

      • lilypad [it/its, pup/pup's]@hexbear.netEnglish
        2·
        12 days ago

        Like, yeah, i get that its practical, but it also boxes me in, and most importantly it fundamentally isnt true, at least to my eyes. If i say im a thing, people expect me to perform their idea of that thing. Im not wanting to do that, so they say oh youre not that thing, youre something else, or your a poser, or whatever. They dont know what to do with me. Like, when i talk to people i use the language, but that doesnt make it true and doesnt mean that im that thing. Idk im probably not making a ton of sense. I guess what im saying is that it socially, the stative identity starts as a descriptor but quickly becomes a prescriptor, at least in my experience vivian-shrug

  • EstraDoll [she/her, he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
    17·
    14 days ago

    weird 2 am thoughts but (this is mostly for other trans women)

    did anyone else feel weirdly ashamed about being attracted to women as an egg? i remember feeling super ashamed by being what i thought was a heterosexual boy/man but in retrospect i can hardly articulate why i felt so ashamed of it. is this a thing anyone else had or was this just me being weird?

    • lilypad [it/its, pup/pup's]@hexbear.netEnglish
      13·
      14 days ago

      God that hits so close to home… It was so hard to experience attraction without experiencing shame… Like, part of it was that i wasnt just attracted to them, i also wanted to be them/look like them. But even beyond that, i felt like my attraction to women was inherrently predatory and bad.

    • Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      11·
      14 days ago
      dysphoria

      I had a lot of shame… or I guess shame adjacent feelings about it yeah. It was to such a degree that it was dysphoric for me.

      I grew up in a really Catholic area and definitely had some of the puritanical shit internalized. When I was really strongly attracted to a woman or very envious of a woman’s femininity I felt Unclean, it felt overwhelmingly “male” and was basically the worst I ever felt about myself.

      When I started hrt and it nuked my libido I was actually super stoked about it because I knew it meant I wouldn’t have that feeling anymore, haha. Glad that that didn’t last though, since being a butch lesbian is basically the coolest me that I can be and the new sort of attraction feels so much better.

    • XiaCobolt [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      10·
      14 days ago

      Yeah definitely I really liked women so much, but I was deathly terrified of the idea of sex or being perceived as predatory or creepy.

    • AshenWolf [she/her, kit/kit's]@hexbear.netEnglish
      7·
      14 days ago

      Yes. Similar thoughts to other commenters. It was to the extent that I started considering myself ace due to my aversion and shame, it was something my body wanted to do so badly, but a part of my mind never wanted to go there. Start taking E, libido goes way down, and I’m excited because that conflict is finally gone. And if course now that the libido was gone my mind decides it wants to go there.

      Still working through these thoughts, and have made massive progress (even have my libido back, it comes in waves). It feels nice to have a lot less shame and pain around it, and honestly I’m really lucky to have someone who’s helped (and helping) me with that. I still get anxiety of having worked on it “in theory”, but having things come back “in practice”, but I think having a person I’m comfortable with and really trust mitigates (and would mitigate) that a lot.

    • WalrusDragonOnABike [they/them]@reddthat.com
      6·
      14 days ago

      I didn’t think women were sexual attractive, so no. But I remember liking when people would ask if I’m gay, cause I like the idea that other people assumed I was even if though I wasn’t.

  • BountifulEggnog [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    16·
    14 days ago

    After a very small 🤏breakdown at work, so I ending up coming out to someone. She was super supportive- it was very emotional for both of us. Apparently she helps with a couple local queer orgs and might know some people locally. Very unfortunately she doesn’t come in often, maybe a few times a month. Once I get my license hopefully I can go to her org or something.

    Also the stuff I was studying for I passed with no issue party-cat

    • BountifulEggnog [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      12·
      14 days ago

      Oh, one thing I did want to mention to someone, she said sorry for not noticing? She said it pretty quickly so idk if it was one of those things where you say sorry and its not like an apology (I say sorry a lot). But idk, I thought… something about that, about her feeling some kinda way for not clocking that about me.

    • SwitchyandWitchy [she/her]@hexbear.netMEnglish
      9·
      14 days ago

      Yay I’m so glad you got a good coming out experience! It’s a wonderful feeling isn’t it?

      trans-heart

      Also the stuff I was studying for I passed with no issue

      Damn girl you’re killing it today!

  • 0x2640 [pup/pup's, she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    16·
    14 days ago
    si

    if i randomly dissapear in the next few days i probably killed myself

    just putting it out there, i guess. doesnt really matter, thisll probably be deleted anyway

    • lilypad [it/its, pup/pup's]@hexbear.netEnglish
      17·
      14 days ago

      meow-hug

      spoiler

      You want to talk about whats going on? Shits rough but i know id miss you if you left… Youve been a really positive presence in this space, and inspired me in some ways.

  • SwitchyandWitchy [she/her]@hexbear.netMEnglish
    15·
    14 days ago

    My blood test results came in and I got confirmation that my T is down to good levels!!! I thought that was one of the differences contributing to how I’ve been feeling lately. God I fucking love Hrt.

  • shallot [they/them, she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    14·
    12 days ago

    I’m considering seeing a therapist about gender stuff in order to help me process everything better, but I’m having a really hard time getting over the idea that wherever they keep their records is somehow going to end up in the hands of genocidal maniacs looking for some slurs to kill.