Hi everyone. I created this community here on Lemmy because I wish to give others what I have never felt: the love and the support of a father.
My father is alive and well, but I’ve always felt like he was dead. I’ve never received support, love, or hugs but I instead received disapproval, criticisms, insults and high expectations from him. I remember telling kids in elementary school I had no dad.
I am at an age where this should not affect me. I am an adult with his own life but I am unable to feel indifferent to it. His words (or the lack thereof) still affect me. I want him to be proud of me, at least once in my lifetime, and whenever I try to say something that I think will make him proud, I always leave disappointed telling myself “never try again”.
My mother was emotionally unavailable too as she has a schizophrenia diagnosis. I don’t know what I am looking for by writing this post, maybe just some nice words.
I still wish to be someone’s cherished son. Thank you for reading.
I’m a fifty year old man with supportive parents and a good circle of friends… and I still struggle, every day, to like and be at peace with myself.
So not only am I proud of you, and many others in here, be proud of yourself. Give yourself the credit that you know what you didn’t get and have persisted throughout your life knowing it should have been better.
I think a program like big brothers / big sisters would be really beneficial to you. You’ll get the chance to be for someone else what you never had.
You know the importance of it. Be that light for others. It’s a nice feeling.
I’m not a Dad because I always figured I’d be a terrible one. But my wife and I took someone in who needed a ton of help… and I’m not qualified. But now I’m kind of a Dad, and I chose to be. I’m still not a good one but it doesn’t much matter because if you’re trying, you’re likely doing well enough to make a difference and make someone feel valued and worthwhile.