Aaaw, it wants to dismember me.

It’s always creepy to see a photo from right before a person dies.

“Come oot here and I’ll rip yer hed off!”

Sure “Aww” as long as it’s on the other side of the glass…

These are the trials moose and bear aspire to be.

They will destroy you for no other reason than they can. Geese, swans, and all their seemingly gorgeously-downed ilk are creatures of pure torment born of darkness and rage, set upon mankind to rend your flesh and subdue your very spirit. To revel in leaving you forever burdened with the echo of your own wails when beset upon by these brutishly-beaked manifestations of natures ire. They live to feast on the withered remains of dignity the hubris of your humanity might have allowed you and to suggest otherwise is to admit you’ve never actually encountered one.

They’re why Canadians can be so nice in the face of a harsh and bitter world. To live, never mind thrive, among these miserable creatures is to know you can withstand any petty horror the world could summon. From the time they’re old enough to walk themselves to school Canadian children run daily gauntlets of these unholy abominations. Never mind pampered heroes like Leonidas and his spear, Canada’s younglings are armed - on days when fortune smiled upon us - with little more than a hockey stick and, perhaps, hand-me-down pads. But for those who survived, well, like the man says: you ain’t gotta flex nuts if you know you got ‘em.

I spent several years working as security at a large warehouse building that had a retention pond just past the parking lot. Every year like clockwork they’d show up in early spring and nest right up against the building at the emergency exits. -It was our job to check these emergency exits at least twice per shift. Once it got late enough into the spring the facilities manager would register with the state and remove the eggs, but each year they’d come back, and we would have to wait over a month before the eggs could be removed and they’d stop attacking us. I hate these birds.

I will note, as stupid as people are saying these birds are I do recall at least one of them remembering me and/or my uniform to selectively charge at me in the parking lot as i was going to my car. The one I’m thinking of waddled right past multiple people that were closer just to come at me.

If ya got a problem with Canada gooses then ya got a problem with me, and I suggest ya let that one marinate!

I don’t live in America, but I’ve heard that these geese have the reputation of being aggressive motherf*ckers.