I take that quoted question to be a very primitive definition of self-reflection on the part of the author.
From the article:
“I’m cisgender. Everybody always assumed I was a man, and I actually am a man. And until my daughter came out, I never really had to think about my gender identity or even about anyone else’s. It was like transparent to me. I never consciously checked in with myself. People just assumed something, and it happened that they were right, so it just sort of ‘was’”.
He accepted that he was supposed to be heterosexual because someone told him he should be and he never examined his own feelings on that statement. I’m glad that he eventually got there, but I have no idea how someone can arrive not only at adulthood but even past that into parenthood without self-reflection. What other things in his life has he been believing simply because someone told him to believe it instead of him examining the evidence, thinking critically, and arriving at his own opinion?
It doesn’t have to be something as life changing as sexual preference to “asking [yourself] about [yourself], and not liking the answer”. Back in my young adulthood used to be someone that paid debts back late. I looked at myself reflectively and didn’t like realization of the negative impacts it was having on those I owed and also myself. So I made changes in my behavior and fixed that problem so it didn’t happen anymore. Doesn’t everyone do this kind of self examination and self improvement on a regular basis?
I totally get how you don’t think about it. What you were told worked fine enough. The only reason I thought about my gender was the dysphoria. Someone who maybe they’d be happier if they were a bit more androgynous or something, or someone who might be interested in dating a member of their own gender of the opportunity presented itself can very easily just not notice into adulthood if they have no reason to, and for some of them noticing comes with a nagging feeling to act on it. Suddenly a person who had been more or less content as a guy who just doesn’t engage in any of that macho stuff, may feel the desire to add feminine touches to his wardrobe and use he/they pronouns. Or a guy who had been perfectly content thinking of himself as entirely straight actually starts noticing when a guy is his type and now has to worry about judgment from partners and family regarding his bisexuality.
I agree with you that all healthy adults should regularly be engaging in self reflection of all sorts. But also, self reflection is painful and difficult. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if a significant portion of adults just block out those thoughts every time they arise, at least given how people act.
I take that quoted question to be a very primitive definition of self-reflection on the part of the author.
From the article:
He accepted that he was supposed to be heterosexual because someone told him he should be and he never examined his own feelings on that statement. I’m glad that he eventually got there, but I have no idea how someone can arrive not only at adulthood but even past that into parenthood without self-reflection. What other things in his life has he been believing simply because someone told him to believe it instead of him examining the evidence, thinking critically, and arriving at his own opinion?
It doesn’t have to be something as life changing as sexual preference to “asking [yourself] about [yourself], and not liking the answer”. Back in my young adulthood used to be someone that paid debts back late. I looked at myself reflectively and didn’t like realization of the negative impacts it was having on those I owed and also myself. So I made changes in my behavior and fixed that problem so it didn’t happen anymore. Doesn’t everyone do this kind of self examination and self improvement on a regular basis?
I totally get how you don’t think about it. What you were told worked fine enough. The only reason I thought about my gender was the dysphoria. Someone who maybe they’d be happier if they were a bit more androgynous or something, or someone who might be interested in dating a member of their own gender of the opportunity presented itself can very easily just not notice into adulthood if they have no reason to, and for some of them noticing comes with a nagging feeling to act on it. Suddenly a person who had been more or less content as a guy who just doesn’t engage in any of that macho stuff, may feel the desire to add feminine touches to his wardrobe and use he/they pronouns. Or a guy who had been perfectly content thinking of himself as entirely straight actually starts noticing when a guy is his type and now has to worry about judgment from partners and family regarding his bisexuality.
I agree with you that all healthy adults should regularly be engaging in self reflection of all sorts. But also, self reflection is painful and difficult. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if a significant portion of adults just block out those thoughts every time they arise, at least given how people act.