President Xi, I will offer my services as a crazy person that Chinese news services can quote for smears against the West.

Need a source for an article about how Trump feasts on livers harvested from Mexican migrants? Done.

GCTN needs a citation for their story on how Australia is burying Aboriginal babies alive in a pile of Kangaroos and spiders? I’m your man.

CCTV needs a talking head for how the UK has been so devastated by Brexit that they’re resorting to eating the Irish? Got your back.