Context:
- I just found out that the student loans I’ve been saddled with for the past 19 years were completely avoidable because my parents are wealthier than they ever let on
- Something is wrong with my boomer parents—I don’t understand their relationship with money (or life in general). I think they may be seriously mentally ill
What happened
In 2014, my girlfriend and I moved into a rental home in a big city for about $1,500/month.
She later lost her job and it became unaffordable. The stress ended our relationship.
I struggled to stay in my home for the next seven years, until I finally declared bankruptcy and moved out in 2020.
I spent at least $120,000 on my rental home through those years. All down the drain. I liquidated all $30,000 of my retirement savings to try and stay afloat.
What could have been
2014 was a low point in the housing market. There were HUNDREDS of houses available in the ~$150k range, many of them nicer than the one I rented. All I needed was ~$10k for a down payment, and I could have been paying $800 for a mortgage instead of $1,500 on rent, and all of that money spent would be retained in the form of equity even if I still had to move out. It probably would have saved my relationship too (my parents complain about not having any grandkids, BTW).
What my parents say
When I mentioned this to my parents recently, they just said “we had no idea you wanted to buy a house”. NO, I JUST LOVED PAYING MONEY TO A LAND LEECH! I never even thought to ask for help with a down payment, because we were “broke”. My dad gave us grief over every dollar we spent. We never ONCE took a family vacation.
The truth
Today, my parents have $2 million in retirement savings, and no mortgage or car payments. They live in a rural area with a rock bottom cost-of-living. In 2003, they had HALF A MILLION dollars in cash, entirely separate from their retirement plans.
I feel like I’m going crazy seeing someone even write it here. Like, absolutely no fucking way is that the minimum for comfort. That is flat out a luxurious highly comfortable amount to have. Some of the people here begging for money everyday on the mutualaid comm that I can’t afford to help would be happy with a quarter of that, something I would say is too low but those people would be so happy with it and call it an upgrade.
Again, you have to understand that these people are in their 70s. Saying that either they can live an impoverished lifestyle or they are living luxuriously is ludicrous and shows an ignorance about household finances.
Could they live on less? Absolutely! My grandparents did. And my parents are. And they have decent lives. But my grandmother is in constant pain and lives in a tiny apartment and cannot afford the mobility equipment she needs to get around so she wastes away in the darkness. Can people survive on that? Yes. Should they? I don’t think so.
We don’t live in a society where we have community housing and walkable cities and public services. The elderly have to fend for themselves and the only way to do that is with middle class salaries and no obligation to work. Some will work, but we are such fragile animals that an obligation to work or live in poverty and squalor is not a way to live.
Stop arguing that people should live mean hurried commodities lives and then die early or suffer for decades. Expect dignity for people as we age. It’s a shame what elders go through.