I threw away the last track I was working on and started fresh on another one.
This one has a happier vibe and opens with a drum solo!
I realized the last one wasn’t working so well for me because I tried to structure it around a concept I previously developed. I’m far more vibes-based in how I write music than one might think, so when I try to stick to a certain concept instead of just letting the heart do what it does, I find it goes worse for me.
This is track #8 out of 9. After I finish this, the last track I’ll work on for the debut will be a shorter one (likely no more than 3 minutes). I will focus more on structuring vocal arrangements and lyrics next.
Edit: Also, unlike many other things I’ve written, what I got so far here is entirely in 4/4. Shocking, I know.
I’ve been thinking about my first ever partner a lot, and I miss her.
I’m not gonna get into the whole story behind us, so to keep it short: I met her early on in college. We connected really well over the fact that we found out that we’re both Black and into metal. She was the only Black person I’ve ever dated, and I think that’s why she’s been on my mind a lot as of late.
As some of you may know, my dating pool is already very small due to some non-negotiable concerns about personal values. For this reason, I didn’t think I was ever gonna feel to racially restrict it, but I cannot see myself ever entertaining a relationship with another non-Black person again.
I’ve become increasingly scared of people who do not truly understand the Black experience, but with that, I’ve been taking a lot more pride in my Blackness and really find it crucial to seek solidarity with other Black people.
Of course, no amount of introspection and questioning of anti-Black conditioning can ever make a non-Black person truly understand the Black experience and why it can be so damn important for us to be understood by other Black people, especially in a deeply intimate setting.
Intersectionality makes it even more rough. My relationship with this person wasn’t just a Black relationship—it was a queer Black relationship, and that makes it hit hard. That level of understanding and connection is so valuable.
When I’m ready (which I will consider myself once I finally achieve some fucking job stability), I will get out there and try to meet more Black queer people. I don’t ever intend on dating another non-Black person ever again.
As far as my non-negotiable values go, I’m gonna play things by ear. Really, what’s most important to me is finding a Black queer who has at least these two things in common with me upfront: radical and vegan. The other things? Well, they can be discussed and talked through so I could get an idea of what they think about them, but hell, the thing is that I’m not necessarily just looking for long-term or even specifically romantic, really. Having that connection with another Black queer will be important regardless, and even if they’re incompatible with me long-term, I’ll definitely value getting to know them.
I’d take being single my whole life over entertaining a romantic relationship with a white person ever again.