None at all.
Explanation: I own one pair of jeans, 4 dresses, 3 sweaters and 3 t-shirts, period. I grab whatever’s clean. I buy 1 item of clothing each year from our local thrift shop. Try as I may, I don’t give a damn. I used to, but now I just want to forage in peace. It’s lovely.

Is he really that fat and pig-like now? Or is the meme responsible?

Always?
No keys: we don’t lock our home, and since we share a car the key lives in a drawer.
No wallet: I forget it at home several times a year.
No make-up: I never wear any.
Random scraps of paper with illegible notes it is, then.