Nah, I’m AuDHD so my memory retains whatever tf random crap it wants and constantly forgets relevant things like my own address and what I was right in the middle of saying. But even if I could convince somebody, in my experience it still makes them uncomfortable. Or, it did enough times that it’s now lodged in my brain as something to put underneath the mask.
I often play dumb about little details I’ve noticed or remembered. I got in the habit when I was a kid and people would react weirdly like, “why do you know that?” So I’d just pretend I didn’t even when I did, and I never really stopped. I might notice what car somebody drives, for example, but if it comes up I just act like I don’t know unless they’ve specifically told me. I barely realize I’m doing it anymore.
If you like QfG, you might be interested in Heroine’s Quest: The Herald of Ragnarok on Steam. It was released for free and I imagine that hasn’t changed. But I still ended up donating because I enjoyed it so much.
I’m not normally one to point out a spelling mistake, but there is a very important difference between someone with deficits in lots of areas and someone who defecates in lots of areas.
Random thoughts in no particular order:
Circle of the Moon was actually not made by IGA. It was developed simultaneously by Konami Computer Entertainment Kobe while IGA worked on Harmony of Dissonance in Tokyo. However, to me Circle ironically feels closer to an IGAvania of the two while Harmony feels like IGA was trying to make something partway between Symphony and a classicvania.
Aria and Dawn are generally the best liked portable games, but OoE has a loyal following due to its much higher difficulty more reminiscent of the classic games.
Harmony of Despair is surprisingly enjoyable. Even if you missed the boat, it can still be enjoyed on a PS3 emulator with all the DLC and even online multiplayer. It’s honestly a blast.
There’s also a mobile game called Grimoire of Souls and, for the really obscure stuff, some Japan only Castlevania casino games.
Of the PS2 games, I remember quite enjoying Lament of Innocence and keep meaning to give it another play someday. The other one I forgot completely.
I’m looking forward to Bloodstained 2!
Edit to add one more: there’s a Sega Saturn version of Symphony of the Night where you can play as Maria. It’s Japan only, but a translation patch can be found online.
I’m in one of those story hyperfixations now and I’m legitimately scared of it ending. Finding it was my solution to a terrible slump I got stuck in. I finished a great game that hit just right, but there was nothing like it to follow up with. Now I’m several months and hundreds of hours into a massive series and I’m going to crash so hard when it’s over. But I don’t want to slow down either, so I’m just enjoying it while I can and barreling towards my own oblivion.
I’m somewhat validated to hear of somebody else having this nickname.
I think most people just truly don’t want to think that something bad is going to happen. So even the ones close to me that know my track record and have used the nickname still seem like they’re making a conscious choice to not deal with that information, even if that means being blindsided later while I sigh hard enough to eject my soul from my body.
Stories like this always make me think: that dude probably rarely thinks about what he did that day, but to the person writing the story it’s a treasured memory. We do countless kindnesses like this, big and small, then never think about them again or know how important they were to the person receiving them. It might be paying for somebody’s groceries, letting them go first when they’re in a hurry, or something you said without realizing the impact your words made.
I think about this because I’m one of many people that will scroll past a meme saying “you matter” and instantly know that it’s wrong. But this idea is the closest I get to seeing the truth in it. We’ll never know how many people are out there telling a story like this about us without even knowing our name. But they are out there - and that feels pretty nice to think about.
It’s internalized ableism related to being told their whole lives they’re so smart and talented if only they weren’t so lazy. We’re extremely capable - sometimes. The rest of the time we struggle at the most basic of everyday tasks that normal people find trivial. Now combine that with late diagnosis. That’s a lot of years being told you should be better and wondering why you’re not. At the very least, it’s an extremely specific kind of low self esteem.
It may not be solely caused by dopamine levels, but the experience is common among many ADHD sufferers and our brain chemistry does predispose us to responding to that in certain ways (which is why we can break out of that pattern more easily when medicated).
I can assume there’s a lot of missing context and detail because a long term relationship can’t be condensed into a text post, but even then this is the hardest thing to excuse: “couples therapy would be a waste because it’s your fault anyway.” The first thing you learn in couples therapy is that blame is not helpful. You both play a role in how the relationship is going. As long as they’re convinced you’re the main problem, this can’t be fixed. It’s a flawed and hurtful assumption that actively makes the problem worse. If they can’t take some ownership over their own actions and needs, you’ll just be caught in an endless cycle of getting blamed for everything while nothing you do is ever good enough. Sound familiar?
I’m not going to assume they’re toxic or that the relationship is doomed. Those are questions worth asking yourself, but we don’t have enough information. They could also just be a normal person that never learned how to have healthy relationships when things get tough, and they’re stuck in a maladaptive pattern. It’s those people that benefit most from couple’s therapy. If you go that route, Gottman and EFT are good choices, but I understand it’s expensive. It can still be helpful to buy the books and read through them on your own (John Gottman has many, and Sue Johnson some as well). I would be wary of anybody who tries too hard to avoid or discredit it, though. That’s a red flag to me.
For your situation, once your partner stops seeing you as the problem, you can start seeing each other as allies against a problem you need to solve together. In the example you gave here, I see earplugs as a remarkably simple and effective solution that’s very easy to figure out when you’re not laser focused on the ADHD bogeyman being at fault for everything. If you’re going to be up later for whatever reason, they can just use earplugs and not be disturbed. No hurt, no rushing home, you can even take care of the dishes. If that’s not good for some reason, there are other things like white noise, sleep aids, etc. The point is to break down the problem into what each of you need, then work together to find a solution that serves both of you. No more, no less. If one of your needs is not getting met or one of you consistently has trouble doing the thing, then find a different solution.
You’ve also said they feel you don’t care because of the forgetfulness. I don’t think it’s that simple. Obviously, I would take those feelings seriously, but you can have a healthy relationship with a partner who feels cared for and be very forgetful. The problem is that the relationship isn’t healthy right now. Even if you remembered everything perfectly, that fact wouldn’t change. I think it’s more that the forgetfulness is like a trigger or a reminder of these latent feelings that are always there. But even if there are things you can do to make them feel more cared for, this didn’t happen in isolation and it didn’t happen overnight. You’re stuck in a pattern with each other based on learned expectations and reactions that built up over years. Figuring those out and learning how to untangle them is what a good couples therapist helps you with. That’s why their response to the suggestion is inexcusable.
I can’t help with your primary request, but on the chance that you aren’t able to find a better solution, it seems worth mentioning that four months is probably too long. I’m not an expert or anything, but I did look into it when I had to take a drug test. If someone has corrections to what I found, I would be interested to hear them because it may not be the last I have to deal with it either.
What I learned is that exact time varies, but two months is on the long end. One month is common. You can even test negative in as little as two weeks, but it requires specific effort and still might not be enough if the test is really strict or sensitive.
There are a lot of tricks for trying to quickly prepare for a drug test, but the most simple and reliable if you aren’t on a major time crunch is just fiber and water. Eat lots of greens and stay hydrated. That helps your body naturally get rid of the THC, making 3-4 weeks a more likely time frame.
If he’s already suffering through a detox, you can at least shorten that by quite a bit. Also, it will get easier over time. While weed is way less addictive and easier to get off of than a lot of other drugs, it still has side effects like the ones you’re describing when you try to quit.
I still hope you find a better doctor, but don’t lose hope even if you can’t. This is doable and it’s not as impossible as it seems. It is bullshit and unfair though. Best of luck to you both.
This is a mistaken take driven by corporations. Artists and creators generally don’t own their own copyrights. It’s the first thing they’re forced to sign away to get any kind of contract, publishing deal, or other form of access from the big players who hold the keys to the kingdom. Nobody is making even a million dollars let alone more without going through them, and they don’t agree unless they own those rights.
Small time creators can own their own work, but even then you have countless examples of creators who wouldn’t play ball so the bigger companies just plagiarized them and they don’t have the money to fight it. You need the backing of a big company to even enforce your claim against the other big companies that threaten it if it’s actually lucrative. And, again, they won’t unless they’re the ones that own it because you signed it away.
Copyright does not protect creators in the slightest. It’s a tool by and for large business used to legally steal from creators.
That AuDHD life