The same tactic as tobacco companies and drug dealers! Go with what works, I guess.

He’s 13 and happy to have a home and a person, cats sense these things. I’m happy you adopted this old gentleman but don’t you fucking dare send him back to die in a shelter after saving him!

If you don’t mind a paid app check out MiXplorer. I haven’t actually used any of the network sharing options, but they’re all there and it has various file views. It’s even better if your device is rooted.

I’ve actually only used it on a rooted device so your results may vary, but for me it does basically everything my desktop file manager can and is pretty customizable.

Also, if you’re rooted there are modules available to, uh, test it fully with addons!

If you’re not already familiar with Christopher Moore, I really liked: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Island_of_the_Sequined_Love_Nun https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamb:_The_Gospel_According_to_Biff,_Christ’s_Childhood_Pal