I’m just here to bask in the duality of humankind.

Anyone reading this play in a punk band? Cause I just found your next album cover.

All gather and stand in awe at the majesty of the mustard tiddy!

Best. Day. Ever.

When I was in college I decided to go drag for Halloween. I got the gayest dude in our dorm to pick my outfit, wig, do my makeup, and make sure everything was perfect. Then a bunch of us went bar hopping and it was easily one of the best nights of my college life.

Relatable

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I’d like some clarification about how the Karl Marx part of my brain feels about Mondays.

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This might be a hot take, but in my opinion the alternatives in this article aren’t any better.

There any love here for Icthyosaurus?

Just looks like a big derpy lemony shaped dolphin, with a snoot that 76% more boopable.

Paucity of waifu

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I once saw a group of four or five seagulls gleefully dismember and eat a crab alive.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t, I’m just saying…that’s a possibility.

I joined the army because I had no idea what to do with my life.

35 years later I still have no idea what to do with my life.

That’s my 20!

Little fuckass wingrat took my 20, took his picture with it and calls himself TeH mOneY PiDGiN and acts all benign and shit.

Fucker bought meth with it. Asshat.

Okay follow up question…

All at once?

If I don’t have a twin can I check that one off or do I need to pick someone at random and adopt them as my twin? Also is it 100% absorption or are there parts I can omit, or is it okay to absorb small portions, say, bodily fluids? I have specific reasons for these questions.