My bröther in beans, you’re gonna give yourself a hemorrhoid if you sit on the bowl too long.

A new eyeshadow palette, highlighter, and two lip products. Here’s a photo from the brand’s promotional materials because I haven’t received the shipment yet:

Please do go ahead and split the republican vote you fucking trash GOP sycophant.

It’s a rare fruit punch mouth shark.

Has your university not bothered to replace the old shitty models with the newer, actually effective models? I always think the Dyson AirBlade works really well.

You just try not singing along to Cher’s Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves.

'Cause I’m not planning on going solo

She made a comment once to the effect that no woman should have hair below the eyebrows. I’m sure she’s probably had all of her body hair lasered off.

Way ahead of ya friend.

I have a well and a reverse osmosis system, and the water is amazing. I’ve never had water that tastes so good.

Scrapple is one of those regional things that everyone seems to love but my family didn’t usually eat. My mom cooked it once and it was like wet cardboard covered in shoe leather. She’s a great cook but I wonder if she fucked it up because that made me never want to try scrapple again.

It consists of nooks and crannies.

I rarely eat cheese now because my LDLs were high. :(

I don’t eat cereal - too many calories and too much sugar, plus I’ll just be hungry again in 45 minutes. I need protein and fat in my breakfast.

Breakfast of champions

My usual breakfast is:

• 3 slices lean breakfast ham
• 2 eggs over-easy
• 1/2 avocado, mashed, with lemon juice, salt, pepper, and Japanese 7 Spice
• 300g strawberries
• Yorkshire gold tea
• Water

I toss that ham in the frying pan, brown it and put it on the plate, top it with the avocado mash, and then top that with the eggs. Strawbs go on the side.

It’s 478 calories and has a decent amount of protein (28g) to start my day, plus 10g fiber, and it gives me good energy for my workout. Plus I never get tired of it!

Ugh small talk is the worst!

It locked your quicklaunch icons in place

I’ve had that - peach, prosciutto, and burrata with a balsamic glaze on a white pie. Delicious.

Yay, you go Sandy! And you go, Launches!