I’m starting to think that I do not, and I suppose it will be one of the greatest tests I face. My partner is convinced that he will do anything for me, simply because “he loves me”, whereas I continue to have boundaries. They’re a bit of a hopeless romantic, honestly, and it seems like they’re trying to recreate a teenage-type love they never had.
I thought I was liked for more than my body, but that seems to be the main attraction here :/ And they almost seem offended when I don’t show the same level of interest in theirs and try to convince me to get on viagra or something (which is completely missing the point).
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try to convince me to get on viagra
🚨🚨🚨⚠️⚠️⚠️🚨🚨🚨
Since my daughter was born with multiple medical complications a few years ago, I’ve had to learn how to give unconditional love.
She hasn’t spoken a word to me. I don’t think she ever will. She is unable to walk, stand, or even sit unassisted. Her feeding is done through a tube and she will likely never be able to eat tendies or hot chip or really anything. 20+ hours of every day for her are spent on her back.
I have to interpret her cries and smiles and body language as best I can. Sometime she cries out and I wonder if it’s a mild pain or excruciating pain. I have no way to tell. I just do what I can to sing and talk to her until she manages to fight the pain or calm down. It can be 5, 10, 15 minutes or an hour-plus.
I hope that she feels my love for her and I can keep being strong for her.
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Unconditional love certainly exists. Often for family. I don’t think it’s a good thing for romantic relationships though, romantic relationships very much should be conditional IMO.
Yeah, I think that’s a good distinction to draw. Loving someone, even deeply and madly and truly, is not sufficient for a relationship. Love in a relationship has to be an open, working, two-way street. I love my mom, I genuinely want her to be happy, but I do not have a relationship with her, because she can’t love me or herself. Relationships are always conditional, that’s ultimately what boundaries are.
Word. Truly starting to believe that I might be better off alone if this is all there is
There are absolutely better people out there but finding them and making a real connection can be exhausting
Especially in this day and age. It’s all so utterly dystopian
no
i love my partner, and it’s on the condition that he does not abuse me. if he were to abuse me, i would not love him
it’s very unlikely he will abuse me and he respects my boundaries, but that’s still a condition
Yeah absolutely. You feel it the moment your kids are born.
Partners I think are always conditional, even spouses. Some fuck ups are too big to be forgivable. But I can’t think of anything that would make me stop loving my kids.
I came here to say this as well. I was reading in one parenting book that you need to have unconditional love for your kids and state that to them as well. It lets them know there will always be someone there for them no matter what happens.
Yes, I will always love my partner no matter who they become or how they treat me. They have been such an important part of my life for so long that the impact they have had on me is inseperable from who i am. I love them for who they have made me and how I have grown with them. We could seperate and I would still love them, just in a different way. I want their life to be one worth living with or without me. I think this is unconditional love.
Edit: I feel I should clarify that I don’t just want my partner to have a life worth living. I want her to flourish even if that means me not being a part of my life. If me leaving made her life genuinely better I think I would do it. Admittedly though, not without severe diffuculty.
Yes, like if my SO started doing pure evil shit I’d still love them despite not wanting to be around them
Yeah, I would just be worried about them and hope they can get better.
Unconditional love doesn’t mean you continue to love somebody no matter what they do. It’s more that your love flows from your feeling for a person and the love mostly remains steady not being dependant on a day to day action. Conditional love would require an I love you at a certain time or your not loved anymore or whatever have you. Perhaps it is more limerence or a possessive love they have for you. Either way I would get far away from this as it does not sound like they have a respectful love for you. In answer to the question I will stop loving somebody if they do something unforgivable.
no conditions? no context? love doesn’t fall out of a coconut tree!
Yes and no.
I love my children unconditionally. I am fortunate enough to have parents that, despite their hopeless liberalism, are relatively supportive of me and always have been. I love my parents unconditionally.
I’ve had too many failed relationships to say that I love unconditionally there. My unconditional love for former partners has gotten my teeth loosened for me, cars wrecked and totaled, guns pulled on me, and faced eviction a time or two as well. It may well be that my own stupid ass set myself up for failure there, but still… love without reservation, absolutely. That’s what love is, IMO. But unconditionally? No.
Absolutely not. All love is conditional and it should be. There’s always something you can do to make people who would otherwise love you hate you forever instead.
No. I do, however, believe in unconditional positive regard. Essentially, believing that people are doing the best they can with what they have, and genuinely wanting the best for them.
In interpersonal — and especially romantic relationships — success is largely contingent upon mutual adherence to agreed upon conditions. Anyone promoting unconditional love in romantic relationships is likely promoting abuse.
Love is a two way street.
Regard is a one way street.
That’s a great way of looking at it. I’ve reflected and bit and think I need to make sure their needs are being met.
We probably also need to have a conversation about what love means to both of us because it sounds like they’re in love with the idea of love, which I find very childish at this age.
The only unconditional love I ever felt was towards pets. Well I loved my mom too so there’s that, but with other people outside of family, no there was usually conditions.
Same. All of my pets and all of my family members
I do. Unconditional love doesn’t mean not having boundaries, and mutually enforcing boundaries is an essential part of being in a mature, loving relationship.
IMO loving someone means genuinely wanting what’s best for them, and genuinely wanting them to be happy. That’s different from wanting to gratify all of their desires; loving an alcoholic, for example, does not mean pouring them a drink, even if that’s what they want most in the world. In the context of a relationship, also means loving (and caring for) yourself. Caring for someone else at the expense of your own well being is unsustainable at best. At worst, it’s barely sustainable and inertia will lock you both into a lifelong dysfunctional relationship in which neither of you are happy, and neither of you know how to get out. It’s a pretty dismal way to spend a huge chunk of your life, and it is shockingly easy to fall into without noticing.
Pressuring you to take drugs isn’t a great sign, seems like they are trying to problem solve unilaterally instead of bilaterally. Sounds to me like you gotta have a tough conversation about the relationship, and you have to decide if they are willing to listen to, understand, and respect your boundaries. That might mean not having sex as often as they want to. Might mean something else. I’d see if they’re able to reckon with your wants and desires and try to collaboratively come to a mutually agreeable situation. But if they can’t or won’t take your needs and boundaries seriously, they don’t deserve you, and you don’t deserve that.
GL ❤️
Yes, ideally that of caregivers to their children, or toward pets, families maybe. I suspect your partner is mistaking infatuation for unconditional love, eventually infatuation fades, will they still love you then?
