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I read Mia Violet’s “Yes, you are trans enough”. The first part describing her time at school hit so close to home I felt sick. But I also realized I relate a lot to the post-transition stuff, where she talks about presenting how she wants without worrying about passing. It’s definitely freeing to wear whatever stupid outfit I want without caring what other people think. I’m still neurotic about how I’m perceived, though :3
About 50 terfs and nazis held an anti-trans rally down here a couple of days ago. 500-1000 of us showed up to drown them out with noise, I handed out about 150 whistles to people, someone played Chappell Roan and we had a dance party, it was intense. 200 cops blocked off the entire intersection and kept us apart by a good 50+ metres. The terfs eventually got forced to leave early, so we ended up having a march through the city and it went to absolute shit.
Arrests were made, cops tackled and beat up a trans woman and put her in the hospital, pepper sprayed a transfem journalist and abused their powers all day to forcefully search people who weren’t doing anything. As usual we were nonviolent but the media keeps calling us aggressive and violent thugs, if you watch any of the footage it’s literally all just the cops turning violent and beating up some of the most vulnerable people. We have a right to demonstrate and the state tried to prevent us from doing so, it’s absolutely disgusting and it’s only going to get worse if they pass their anti-protestor laws.
I ended up bailing earlier than I wanted to, I’ve got an appeal in less than a month and was already on the cops radar that day.
I’m still alive despite it all, I’m probably going to get another part time soon but I’m so fucking sleepy all the damn time idk if I can
My go to every time this question is asked the past few months is, “The horrors persist, but so do I.”
Well, finally got to see a psychologist for ADHD evaluation, and came out of that feeling more disappointed as my week went on, for different reasons; my other concerns felt more or less dismissed. Feel anxious, but not having regular panic attacks so clearly I don’t have anxiety. Feel depressed but not suicidal so clearly don’t have depression. Feel painfully lonely but since I don’t make an effort to go out and make friends, I must be happy being alone.
And after all that, they ended off wanting to do testing for autism (i don’t disagree with that possibility tbh, i very much recognize that I mask). Naturally, later that day the Autism registry crap hit the news and now I’m strongly considering backing out of that testing.
Sometimes people can have “subclinical” levels, and clinicians are sometimes trained to only see and treat the more severe end of the spectrum. They aren’t gatekeepers of reality, not being suicidal doesn’t mean you aren’t struggling with depression, it means you aren’t suicidal in your depression.
Evaluations especially are a context where they might have strict guidelines on what qualifies, when something reaches a relevant threshold, etc. - but those guidelines can and do change. Either way, you might just try seeing another psychologist, talk about your prior experiences and see what they think. Sometimes it helps to approach interactions with psychologists pragmatically, be clear with yourself and the psychologist about what your goals are, and that should help them help you.
And I hear you on autism testing, I’m avoiding diagnosis for the same reasons.
Tbh the loneliness part stung the worst. Spent the first half of the appointment about executive dysfunction and my struggles with starting/initiating literally anything at all, and then they pulled the “you’re not trying” crap.
… honestly it sounds like they don’t understand executive dysfunction if their response is that you’re just not trying …
all the more reason to ignore their perspective if it’s not an informed one
Yeah. I’m looking into other psychologists now (maybe less than a 1 hour drive this time), but this one took over 2 months of waiting after getting a referral and just… internal screaming
I don’t trust how long I’ll have the insurance i have right now, i want/need to try to pack in as much as possible over the next several months
Have you tried telehealth? That can help with the drive. The wait is real, though - I waited over a year to see a psychologist only to end up too busy by the time I could see her to actually take on the treatment.
The usual suggestion is to pay out of pocket, since demand is so high and the number of good, credentialed psychologists is so low, but that’s advice for people with money (i.e. useless advice).
Is the current psychologist a PhD, what are their credentials? I just … the “you’re just not trying” screams uneducated or clueless to me, like some kind of old-school conservative mindset, like someone you go to more for folk wisdom than clinical insight. I dunno, it makes me wonder if I’m missing a lot of context or something because it’s almost hard to believe.
I feel like I’m too likely to chicken out of an appointment online. Easier to make myself do something if I back myself into a corner. (Edit: and i find a good long drive to be de-stressing at times)
They’re a PHD/PsyD; they’re who I ended up with a referral to after seeing a psychiatrist, i didn’t actively choose them :/
It definitely felt wrong/disconcerting to hear that kind of thing, especially from someone that lists ADHD as a specialty. They seemed relatively young, I’m kinda baffled by it as well, it was upsetting to hear and try to rebut. Felt like i was back in school getting chewed out by a teacher 😞
ha, I was going to say it sounds like a teacher who is disappointed in their student 😄
I dunno, maybe they didn’t like you for some reason, or something about you didn’t fit their model of “normal”. I do think a lot of neurodivergent people can come across as immature or childish, which results in people responding to them as though they are children who just need to grow up or mature, not that they have neurological differences.
Anyway, yeah - sounds like you were dealt a shit hand, I’m sorry about that 😑
started off the week with a lot of stress but ended on a high note
struggling still with concussion symptoms, I guess it’s technically “post concussion syndrome” now.
My doctor won’t see me because of the legal aspect of seeing a car accident victim, so my care has slipped through the cracks. Still haven’t seen a doctor since I first went to the ER.
On more positive notes, I went out Friday night to celebrate some good news for my partner, and was complimented by strangers on my outfit. 🥰
Wait what? Doctors won’t see victims? For legal reasons? What???
Are you okay, can we help in any way?
Apparently it’s not uncommon for primary care physicians to not see car accident victims. It can take years for them to get paid, and it’s a legal nightmare trying to navigate who should actually pay them, etc.
I’m not sure I’m OK, that’s part of why I would like to see a neurologist, I have to fly in a couple weeks and this could be a major risk … but my suspicion is that I’m totally fine. This is my third head injury, and second major concussion, so I’m a little more worried about lasting symptoms and the increased long-term risks (reading into it, it’s not looking good).
Mostly it’s just hard to work full-time when a conversation can leave me with a severe headache and unable to function.
However, from what I can tell, my symptoms are mostly mild and I don’t suspect a brain bleed or anything. The ER refused to give me a CT scan and didn’t do any other diagnostics, so they felt it was mild enough, too (or they just dismissed me as a woman, lol).
But really, I’m OK - thank you for your kindness and care 🥰
Wow, that’s devastating. Stay safe friend, hope you heal soon concussions are awful.
