We’re in for another two weeks of struggling, yet we are also never alone in these struggles. I hope that all of you find some respite despite the issues you’re facing, and that you know you are appreciated, loved, and respected here.
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Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.
man i hate going to therapy. all this person does is tell me “wow that sucks” and like. okay. i know that, why am i coming here. i feel like it’s the same as talking to a chatbot
and then people say “oh you just haven’t found the right therapist for you!” but i don’t have the money to shop around for random therapists, i’ve just got the one that’s free with my aid. and i have a feeling that even if i did that, it wouldn’t help, bc i 1. have internalized that telling other people everything about me will make them think i am insane and i will be severely punished for this and 2. most of the traditional talk therapy methods don’t work for me because i am autistic and traumatized. i actually got declined from a (government run) cbt program that probably would have sucked for having too much trauma, but the alternative seems to just be nothing??? lmao
i wanna see if i can switch to animal assisted therapy because i’ll get to pet something then at least
Therapy for autistic people is very lacking and it’s horribly ableist that experts aren’t doing enough research on developing better methods.
I hate therapy too! I had five different therapies on the NHS and they were all so bad that they made me feel worse, because I was stressed out about having to go there every week. If it wasn’t for disability claims and appeals needing as much medical evidence as possible, i wouldn’t have bothered with therapy after realising how awful it is. I don’t understand reddit’s hard-on for therapy, whenever someone has a problem on reddit they’re all “GEt tHeRApy nOw!”
there’s also that meme of “men will literally do x before going to therapy” that pisses me off so much like therapy is a magic cure all and would instantly make a sexist man not sexist or whatever, when in my experience therapists barely push back against shitty beliefs
i guess the alternative is admitting mental health improvement would require material and systemic change and libs reaaally don’t like those words
Mental health improvement at this point would require a complete change in our way of life. Everything about the way we live now destroys mental health.
pretending your question wasn’t rhetorical, i figger cuz they’ve actually never had therapy and their understanding of what it is comes from the media they consume
From what I’ve read on reddit, it seems all of their problems were minor enough that therapy could solve them. Eg liking someone who doesn’t like you back, normal family disagreements, that sort of thing. So they assume therapy is the magic fox for everything while those of us who have serious, unfixable problems know it doesn’t work for everything.
Therapy is often presented as a method “to fix you if you’re broken”, completely ignoring that people’s material conditions play a huge factor in their mental health. The general understanding of therapy seems to be “If your behavior isn’t the norm, it needs to be made so, and that’s what therapy’s for.” Apart from the fact that being ND, traumatized, etc doesn’t mean you’re broken, it makes it seem like therapy is supposed to “weed out the undesirables” and streamline them.
There’s a reason Eliza was such a revelation.
I can’t talk to the efficacy of therapy in general, but if isnt helping you it isnt helping you.
I’ll tell you that even if you have money to find them, finding a good one or one that actually helps you is still extremely difficult. I’ve been through 4 this year alone and only 1 made it past the first session. The one that did basically gave up on me after 1 year. I’m looking at finding a new one now and its just faces in a crowd. I wouldn’t know how to pick any of these people from Adam.
CW: Doomerism. Probably trauma dumping.
spoiler
I’ve come to the conclusion that most people creep me out. It’s like whenever they smell vulnerability or trauma they go rabid at the smell of what they think is a weakness they can exploit. Like a sharks eyes turning black when it smells blood. There’s no humanity or compassion when people go like that. Just the instinctive eat or be eaten mentality our sick system has taught us.
It’s not doomerist, but sadly, a very accurate assessment of how things are. I’m gonna be a hopeful optimist and say “It can still be changed”, because I truly believe it can.
Unfortunately, you’re right, it really is this system who taught us, and oh my, it has taught us well. This exploitation you describe is all too real and I’ve seen it too.
I want you to know that there’s more people like us out there who do not pounce on others like this; people who accommodate and care instead of hurt and exploit. Don’t give up hope yet
“You have to consider whether doing what is best for the patient is sustainable as a general practice”
First off, get your kant bullshit out of my face, secondly what the fuck.maybe all doctors are bastards,,,,
they are kinda just cops for medical care in most cases
The worst part about it is that it is a totally unforced conflict of interest. Doctors should have an ethical obligation to their patients and their common humanity solely. But by forcing doctors act as medical gatekeepers we are compromising this and making them untrustworthy to patients.
My doctor making a mistake is human, my doctor withholding medical care makes us opposed.
My doctor making a mistake is human, my doctor withholding medical care makes us opposed.
This is the fundamental issue that I think most people don’t think of when I compare doctors’ roles in society to that of the police. It’s really not that unbelievable if we consider the overwhelming role they actually play, which is exactly that: the bureaucratic gatekeeper between receiving care or receiving no care. Don’t say anything to piss off a doctor…sound familiar?
This is after the sudden death of Twitter user @MECFSComrade, Megan Pendleton, who was a beloved activist and friend to many suffering with ME/CFS. I am sick of seeing us die, killed by the negligent systems and people around us, many of them with the gall to call themselves “comrade.” I am still mourning the deaths of Alice Wong and Leslie Lee III, and now here is another. How many more will it take? Too many. The abled have so much blood on their hands, and they better pray to whatever power they worship that they are never made to answer for it. COVID kills. Wear a mask. Support us while we are still here, or you are no better than the enemy.
Took a Vyvanse and got 4 essays and all my other college assignments done, going to go pay this bill and turn in my rented textbooks and then it’ll finally be good riddance.
Paying a $250 bill when you just lent your mom 2k and your dad 1.2k is painful.
I mask too well, people end up thinking I have no problems or that I can help them out, sometimes they come for help to me sometimes they think I have it good, none would sit down and try to have a conversation with me about it.
I know that feeling all too well
“If you think about it, using a stethoscope is sort of like using AI” - My actual lecturer.
It’s really fun and cool to witness the degradation of knowledge in real-time.
I sometimes wonder how these sentences come about in context, like ???
Also, weird analogy 😂
“Some day we won’t use nornal stethoscopes because an ai will be able to analyse the sound much better. But that won’t invalidate doctors as a profession, AI is just a tool. If you think about it, using a stethoscope is sort of like using AI”
The expanded lecturers take.
That’s… actually worse
Dear god
What if I just didn’t work another day in my life?
I am interested in this philosophy and wish for you to tell me more.
I have not thought any more about this. I guess step one is to have rich parents
Well see that there is a problem.
Same here
I think about this and the amount of time my savings would last me under various living conditions a lot
I am currently living this and I do NOT recommend it. The precarity is like a weight that you can never lift from your shoulders.
Of course, this is precisely why they want the system to remain the way it is.
Yes, I think about being in the vanguard of the revolution quite a bit.
Yea, I know its not practical or anything. Big issue is returning to work I feel. I am just not doing great and contemplate crashing out and trying to bum a room off someone or like making my way to California or something. I’m trans and living at home with parents who wouldn’t be supportive. But I’m trying to just grind it out and get a better job
I got a bike for the first time in 5 years
I rode a bike for the first time in 5 years
(took half an hour to go somewhere 8 minutes away)Awyiss riding bikes is amazing, I’m so happy for you
And don’t worry about the speed, the important part is that you got to ride a bike again!
Anyone have advice on how to deal with shame regarding not driving?
I have horrible adhd and pretty significant damage from covid (thanks for being super unsafe and giving it to me 3 times, dad), and the combination makes me extremely inattentive, insane brain fog, can’t pay attention to all the signs, multiple mirrors, other drivers, lights, etc. that come with driving and I’ve just decided I shouldn’t drive because I don’t want other people to be harmed or have to pay money I don’t have for any damages that may happen.
However at the same time I feel like there’s so much pressure and I won’t be fully free or adult without knowing how to drive. I’m 21 and super embarrassed even though I know it’s the logical and most wise course to take. I drive to and from work but I still have to get driven everywhere else by my mom or dad (usually my mom) and it’s kind of embarrassing, especially because people react so weird when I say I don’t drive as if driving isn’t a big deal and terrifying.
I have very solid plans to move to one of the biggest cities in the US (2 hours from me) and I know I will never have to drive again but I’m still feeling a bit inferior.
Sorry to ramble, I just tried to drive in semi busy conditions again and freaked out and had 2 rude drivers behind me throw me totally off. I just can’t keep up at all. My dad had to take over lol.
People can be really weird and judgmental to non-drivers. I remember one person on reddit calling me a loser because i don’t drive. When I told them I literally can’t drive because I’m partially sighted, they doubled down and insisted anyone who doesn’t drive is a loser. Glad to know being disabled makes me a loser.
That person can go sit in syrup.
Haha, this is from a comfort show I watch all the time. They have the best/weirdest insults and I love it!
Which show is that?
Bob’s Burgers, it has so many great one liners
Omg I’ve watched that show so many times and didn’t even catch that it was a bobs burgers reference🤦♂️
Driving is incredibly stressful, and if it weren’t absolutely necessary I’d ditch it entirely! It’s not a strange or weird thing to want to avoid it, nor does it make you any lesser of a person. Car brain worms run deep, but what’s more important is your comfort and safety. As for dealing with the shame, I suppose it might help to reframe how you and others around you are approaching the topic. For you, driving doesn’t make sense and isn’t really a viable option for travel, and that’s just fine. It seems a bit ableist and maybe even a bit classist to give looks or judge people on not driving everywhere. Not everyone can afford cars or physically meet requirements to get behind the wheel. If you’re getting unwanted feedback or questions about why, it might help to have a quick response ready, like “my disability makes it difficult” or even “it’s just not my thing” (when referring to driving). And no apologies needed, we’re here to support one another as best we can.
I’ve been driving for 30 years now. I’ll tell you this with absolute confidence - if I could move to a city where I wouldn’t ever have to drive because I could bike and take public transport, I would do it in a HEARTBEAT. I cannot express to you how fucking miserable driving is down here. No one knows what they’re doing and, even worse, no one knows where they’re going! Covid caused all the frontal lobe damage to the drivers and they only make you renew your drivers license every 8 10 years here. I spend half my time on the road white knuckling it and yelling out my front windshield ‘GREEN MEANS GO!’ and "YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TRY TO RUN INTO ME’ while furiously honking the horn so they’ll realize that their gigantic piece of shit car isn’t supposed to be doing what they’re attempting to do.
Not to mention, you have to pay for car insurance which is a small fortune.
If anyone gives you shit about it just tell them to suck your dick. Or, if you’re less confrontational about it, tell them you’re “legally blind”. Make up any old shit, who gives a fuck!
As to feeling inferior, just remember that every single dumb motherfucker that you’ve ever met in your life has a drivers license and drives a car.
I’m sorry you have to deal with all that judgement. I’m avoiding driving too because I think it’s terrifying and I regret ever getting a license. You’re doing the right thing, acknowledging your limits and prioritizing safety, both yours and others. Remind yourself of that and keep telling people off who try to shame you for it. I also really hope that moving to the bigger city will help
Thank you, having so many people reply has made me feel a lot better
Happy to help in what little way we can
Hello fellow members of c/disabled. As mentioned in last weeks mega, the mods created a short “Information Post” about Ableist Language on the site and the consequences of using said language. Thank you to everyone who already offered up feedback and input in the last mega, we appreciate you taking the time to help make it better! We’re looking forward to more input, should you have any, and will try to incorporate the feedback to the best of our ability. You can find the current state of the document under this link here. Make sure to delete the space between the two parts of the link before hitting enter: https://cryptpad.fr/doc/#/2/doc/edit/ XBOFfyoPSb0-l4vFySADdh+g/
Short apology on my part, I was busy over the weekend so not all updates have made their way in yet. I’ll get to it soon!
Trying to catch up today, appreciate you.
Obviously this is a “no duh” for many autistic people here, but one of the many things holding autistic people back is their first mentors are sometimes their first naysayers.
Many school faculty may have this belief even the best autistic student is still a waste to educate and their best case scenario is being tossed into a group home and maybe having a custodian volunteership for the rest of their lives. As a result, many autistic people literally have gaps in their skills they otherwise could have learned.
I was going on with this with my therapist yesterday. I am still plenty capable of a person, but still unemployed. One of the reason is this lack of skills I developed because of these early mentors passively assuming I’ll just be a minimum wage worker on benefits for the rest of my life.
And thus you see a lot of autistic people struggling when their suffering could have been avoided.
Well said. It’s something that isn’t acknowledged by many as a whole that causes so many problems, and not just for people with ASD. The inherent ableism of our established systems causes some sort of mental or physical anguish to disabled comrades in every facet of our lives, from employment to healthcare and beyond.
Guessing everyone remembers but autistic, for context
A full time management position is opening up at work and I am both qualified and my manager’s top pick. I really want this promotion, both for my resume and obv better pay. Not that good but an improvement either way.
However I am very worried about the interview itself, it sounds like it might be done by some of upper management/hr and not my direct report which has me more nervous, I’ve made good impressions with them I believe but obviously I have to sell myself a lot more then my manager who already likes me enough to be her pick. I also haven’t had such a position before so I’m nervous about what questions they might ask and how to respond. Also just being a manager, as someone who is ND. idk if anyone has any advice for me or anything like that I’d appreciate it, maybe I am just overthinking it. After figuring out that I am ND I just think about how that effects me and dynamics with NTs a lot.
Hey, first off congrats on being up for the promotion that’s awesome! If you trust the manager who likes you and you’re comfortable with it I’d say ask them for some interview advice. You can frame it as not having had to interview on that level before, or just being out of practice, and ask them why they like you for the position so you can hit those same talking points during the higher-ups interview. If you have access to the actual job posting you can prepare talking points about yourself that refer back to exactly what they’re looking for. I was always told to keep answers short and concise, and include real-world or recent examples of times you handled certain challenges, but only when asked. It never hurts to look up common interview questions for [position].
You got this! It’s okay and natural to be nervous about this kind of thing. We believe in you, and good luck <3
Everything has gone to shit, even more than usual. My achilles is effed up again, my landlady is taking all her frustrations out on me and making the house awkward and uncomfortable and the absolute icing on the cake - I got a letter from the DWP saying that due to a backlog they are more delayed with getting through claimants appeals and assessments and it looks like my finances won’t be fixed soon and I’ll be relying on help from mutual aid for longer. Which is pretty terrifying considering how not only I but many others who use mutual aid are finding responses dwindling and more difficult to come by. What is the point of living like this? I wish it was all over. I don’t know just how bad my achilles actually is yet, it’s inflamed, hot and painful but when it gets like this it tends to worsen for a while, so I don’t yet know how debilitating it’s going to be. I can’t bear the thought of being trapped indoors for months again, it’s absolutely devastating to mental health to be a prisoner unable to get out. Walking outside is one of the few things that makes life bearable. The only other thing I’ve got is music, I’ve always been a big fan of rock and metal and have taken refuge in it during problems, but when I fell into financial ruin I ended up having to sell most of my CDs (and got an absolute pittance for them, much less than they were worth). So now it’s quietly listening with poor sound quality on youtube instead of putting headphones in and blasting it up. And god, the endless stress of finances. Why can’t I just have a fatal heart attack or something?
Goodness that’s a lot, comrade. Is the backlog letter saying they’re pushing your benefit evaluation further out than the start of next year? I’m so sorry it’s just been one thing after another with that, you really haven’t caught any breaks. Hopefully your tendon flare up settles quickly, and doesn’t keep you tied down for too long.
Yes, they’re estimating an extra 6 months wait (though it could be before that). When, like now, this happens during an appeal, it makes life much more difficult. When it happens prior to a normal reassessment, it’s good. If you’re in receipt of your benefits and they add an extra length of time before reassessing you, it means you keep getting paid for that extra time. But if you’re appealing and not being paid, it means extra time without money.
Thanks for the moral support.
6 months is a ridiculously long time to add for waiting on an appeal. I really hope it doesn’t get to that time period, you’ve waited so long already. Fuck these useless systems of oppression, it should all be razed back to the soil they stand on.
It might not actually be that long. When they do an extension, they make it 6 months automatically but it could be sooner than that. I hope so, anyway.
Me too, love
“If you investigate a patients aymptoms you may kill them!” “If you tell them a genetic test for a thing with an 0.000003% chance of happening is probably unnecessary without family history you could be killing their child”
You got to pick one. This feels distinctly like youre training me to do eugenics rather than treat patients
