MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir]

yeah i love my trans body and also reckon with i got bottom surgery and ffs in it. feeling a lot more at home in my body than i ever have, and the world views me more in line with how i wish it to. i find it very funny that masculinity really did not work for me as a man, but now i am pretty masc leaning woman, and i feel a lot more at peace.

I did not freeze my sperm either, as i knew that i wanted any of my genetics to end with me. but i very much feel like i could be a mother. i’m still quite young and might find the chance to do so. :)

I really love being a transfem. The longer I spend in transition, the more worthwhile I think this journey is, and I wouldn’t want that to be any other way. And god, do I find trans bodies to be so damn beautiful, never really understood the idea that testosterone mutilated my body, or anyone’s. I’m just who I am, and used the resources available to me in this world to shape my body in such a way that reflects my mind.

One thing I wish was possible in this time we live in was I wish so much that I could bear a child, or at least, raise one. I’m not alone in this feeling, I know. Infertility is something a lot of people deal with, my reason is only unique in that I wasn’t born with a womb. It’s funny, because I used to hate children so much pre transition, simply because I hated being alive so much. As I started being fortunate enough to be able to interact in the world as a feminized individual and being recognized as such, I began to love children, and relate to people and life that feels so much more whole.

I try not to be jealous of women who can choose to have a child with such relative ease, of a close family member who is raising a 2 year old, seeing how much love they practice with each other. Something I will make my peace with in time, I think.

I wasn’t born in a time where I could bear a child in this body of mine, but maybe I will get to see the beginnings of that if I should live long enough?

I have such a strong maternal instinct, and often find myself drawn to be the mother of many in my friend groups, and I love this. I hope as I keep going through this life that I can find ways to mother and nurture folks as I can. Lot of different ways to be a mother, I suppose.