• 2 Posts
  • 29 Comments
Joined 2 年前
Cake day: 2024年1月10日
  • Truffle@lemmy.mltoAsklemmy@lemmy.ml•what advice can you give me to try and mend a broken friendship so we don't interrupt each other or yell at each other while trying to solve our issues?
    7·
    2 天前

    Try using “I” statements instead of “you” statements, for example: “You make me feel so angry” is blamey, accusatory and points a finger to the other person and most people stop listening after feeling attacked.Instead use “I feel angry when: __________” And then name whatever the reason is as neutrally as possible: I feel neglected when the dishes are left out, I feel unheard when I get on my car and the tank is empty, I feel hurt when I cannot express my concerns, etc etc. In my experience this works in two ways: The other person does not feel attacked and might be willing to actually listen and work on whatever the issue you peeps are having.

    Oh! Another big one is to come up with a don’t interrumpt method that works for you.Some people use the pillow turn, some people use a timer but the most creative I have seen is that whenever this couple of people needed to discuss whatever issue, they would get out a bowl of some sort of snack be it grapes, chips, etc. And the one chewing was the one listening, whenever chewing was over the talking person would stop and exchange places lol.

    What I personally use with my kid and SO is to have mutual agreements before starting a serious talk, for example: " I love you and want to work together with you to solve this, we are both smart compassionate people, it is not you versus me, it is both of us against the problem."

    In a not so loving enviroment, the agreement and approach would be different:

    " OK I am here to talk about ______ I want us to solve this and will do my best to achieve that as I hope you do too. I will not tolerate being insulted, yelled at or patronized. If unfortunately any of those things happen during our conversation I will be leaving the room and we will have to reschedule at a better time that works for both of us"

    Hope this helps, you got this!

  • Truffle@lemmy.mltoAsklemmy@lemmy.ml•Were you "popular" in school?
    2·
    6 天前

    Not really during gradeschool or highschool. We moved around a lot so being the New kid every time was not easy. That changed when I entered college, I had a blast and was super popular: Got invited to parties all the time, karaoke contests, barbecues, summer outings, etc.but kind of an anomally at the same time because of the fact I was a scholarship student in a private university surrounded by rich kids. I graduated top of my class and elected valedictorian. With time most of those relationships fizzled down and while I still keep in touch with some of my classmates who were closer to me, I only keep one good friend from that time. Me and him are tight as thieves and have been through many many things together over the years. Now in my mid forties I have been able to make new true friends through shared interests or some who started as clients or neighbors or other roles, that have now become friends and I feel happy and content about it.

  • Truffle@lemmy.mltoAsklemmy@lemmy.ml•Were you "popular" in school?
    2·
    6 天前

    Exactly! You said it. Just because you stick a bunch of kids together for hours on end does not mean they will become friends. Some do but many of these relationships would not happen outside of a school setting, same as friends from work enviroments I guess. Some friendships can be formed IMO if the school/work setting bond can be translated/migrate to other settings. For example, I now have friends who started as clients of teachers or whatever and our relationship has many different layers and tendrils. I like that.

    I have one friend with whom I just celebrated 25 years of friendship with and we have been through ot all: Family deaths, marriages, having kids, getting jobs, losing jobs, moving countries, etc. And we could not be more different from each other if we tried lol. What I am trying to say is that making friends is not for the weak and I applaud you for putting yourself out there as scary or stupid it can feel sometimes.

  • Truffle@lemmy.mltoPeople Twitter@sh.itjust.works•Make it fucking stop
    5·
    25 天前

    I come from a culture where multigenerational homes are a thing and me and my partner have done the unthinkable to break free from it. We have been shunned and ostricized for not following on the traditional way and as painful as it can be I will not subject my child to the burden of it. I know that te dream of having a solo home is that for many, just a dream, but multigenerational homes are a different kind of hell.