Yes. Similar thoughts to other commenters. It was to the extent that I started considering myself ace due to my aversion and shame, it was something my body wanted to do so badly, but a part of my mind never wanted to go there. Start taking E, libido goes way down, and I’m excited because that conflict is finally gone. And if course now that the libido was gone my mind decides it wants to go there.

Still working through these thoughts, and have made massive progress (even have my libido back, it comes in waves). It feels nice to have a lot less shame and pain around it, and honestly I’m really lucky to have someone who’s helped (and helping) me with that. I still get anxiety of having worked on it “in theory”, but having things come back “in practice”, but I think having a person I’m comfortable with and really trust mitigates (and would mitigate) that a lot.