rando895 [she/her]

rando895 [she/her]@lemmygrad.ml · 2 days ago

They will probably charge him with “intent to feed a wild animal, and endangering the public”

rando895 [she/her]@lemmygrad.ml · 13 days ago

Maybe some childhood trauma? But mostly good feels:

spoiler

I have had a lot of dreams throughout my life that were some flavour of “they’re going to find out your faking it!” (It being gender something)

And since my egg exploded into a thousand pieces I haven’t really had any dreams where I see myself as any gender presentation.

Well, the other night, I had a dream that a friend and I were going to another friend’s house, and this friend was (relevant) Muslim. We get there, she invites us in, and she wasn’t wearing her (it was a dream so I don’t know, hijab maybe? ) and I was confused. I said something like " ohh, your not wearing your (hijab)?" And she said to me: “well, you’re a woman aren’t you?”.

So I guess this means my brain is starting to work through the mess of -phobia’s and emotional suppressions/repressions , and moving towards acceptance?

Not sure lol but I know I have been on an emotional rollercoaster, and I am sooooo happy that I have incredibly supportive friends! Like (I’m getting yappy now lol) I was terrified to come out to them, but it turns out that its because I didn’t know they cared so much about me and now I’m both happy that they do, and that I’m now emotionally available enough to know it. Family will be harder for me but we all have to go at our own speed, and it sort of feels like I’m speed running it.

More yappy lol:

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Now that I feel myself around friends, all I want to do is hang out and chat with them. I worry, maybe unfounded, that I am waaay too much (adhd makes impulse control really hard) for them. And I probably am to some extent. Idk, its probably good to spread myself out between different friends/friend groups so I don’t Icarus this lol

rando895 [she/her]@lemmygrad.ml · 16 days ago

Good point, when has using violence to protect yourself from the state, which is oppressing you through violence, ever helped?

Ohh, right. That is the only way oppressed people’s have ever won their freedom.

rando895 [she/her]@lemmygrad.ml · 17 days ago

Well… I guess they won’t be homeless? I think this is just the version of help that boosts the GDP the most. Its too bad they didn’t write a bipartisan bill where not only do they lock up the homeless, but they make it illegal to use the word homeless and instead replace it with something fun like “outside enthusiasts”, or people who are homephobic.

rando895 [she/her]@lemmygrad.ml · 18 days ago

To be honest, yeah. That is the messaging that is pushed internally for “peace keeping” missions.

rando895 [she/her]@lemmygrad.ml · 23 days ago

Whats a hair eraser?

rando895 [she/her]@lemmygrad.ml · 23 days ago

My face is mostly good, but my neck is awful. I’d like to try waxing it but I’m afraid of how painful it might be, specifically with the coarse neck hair. I got my brows waxed and that was perfectly fine, but the hair is much different…

rando895 [she/her]@lemmygrad.ml · 23 days ago

I shaved my hamstrings 3 or 4 weeks ago, and I’m still trying to loose all the in-grown hairs. So I made some sugar wax, and I’m going to try that. Also fyi: baby oil is not the same as pre-shave oil, speaking from ouchie first hand experience.

Related: are there any resources linked that have anything to do with body hair removal? Its very hard to find good information. Though I kind of feel that way about everything now…

rando895 [she/her]@lemmygrad.ml · 23 days ago

When I was still 100% “cis™” there was this guy at the gym who gave off jealous boyfriend vibes every time I talked to someone other than him. Turns out he was single, and had weirdly specific physical traits he was looking for in a woman. When I asked about non-physical traits he was into, I felt like I was explaining to a toddler that women are people too.

So while I’m not saying your gut is always right, definitely do not ignore it. Does anyone else feel uncomfortable around him?

rando895 [she/her]@lemmygrad.ml · 25 days ago

I shaved yesterday

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Oooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww it hurts today :(

rando895 [she/her]@lemmygrad.ml · 27 days ago

How quickly are we talking? Then we can talk about concrete answers, and strategies to make it work for you specifically. And whats the goal? Temporary (like for a day or 2) or more permanent?

rando895 [she/her]@lemmygrad.ml · 1 month ago

And like, taxes. Though maybe he could use it to argue there should be no tax. Which would be great IMO, as it would further delegitimize the US dollar and accelerate empire collapse.

But its definitely just hogwash

rando895 [she/her]@lemmygrad.ml · 1 month ago

Wait, are libs afraid of Lenin? Or is it Linen? Hard to say for sure

rando895 [she/her]@lemmygrad.ml · 1 month ago

A good place to start is usually with what you are good at.

Are you naturally thinner? Then you might be good at walking/running/hiking/biking etc. So start there.

Are you naturally bigger? Then you might be naturally stronger. So starting with weights might be a good idea.

Naturally Athletic/lean? Some calisthenics might be fun for you.

Ask yourself this question and if you want, I can help you from there

rando895 [she/her]@lemmygrad.ml · 1 month ago

spoiler

So I can hide it for awhile, probably until I have noticable boobs lol. But, its hard to know how hrt will affect my performance. And then there’s the issue with if I’m still really competitive, what does that say for trans women in sport? I can solve the coming out problem, but the sport problem is much harder.

rando895 [she/her]@lemmygrad.ml · 1 month ago

spoiler

Thanks for the message. Coming out to my parents for sure, though my mom told my partner that she can tell theres some kind of barrier between us. Maybe I should tell her I’m bi first… Lol.

I’m definitely struggling with knowing what I want/like (in general really) and its no doubt from years of hiding. I have just came out to the first person I wanted to (my partner basically figured it out so I didn’t have to tell them lol) and the rest of the day I was so exhausted from the anxiety and sudden ending of the source of it, I could hardly keep my eyes open. I’m feeling less anxious now which is nice, but I think I’ll still be worried about treatment by the public.

Ohh, and I’m a national level athlete in a very gendered sport. So thats weighing on me pretty heavily too.

rando895 [she/her]@lemmygrad.ml · 1 month ago

I have been told by my partner that I am very much a stereotype lol. When he found out and we talked about it, he said “ohh that makes sense” like wtf is that supposed to mean? I thought I was hiding it well lol. He told his “work wife” and you know what she said? Ohh yeah that makes sense.

So now I’m not really surprised when my story is similar to so many others lol.

Tbh I don’t know if I’ve ever had it… If I have some at home I’ll report back.

I have been painting my nails and doing my hair for a while now (nail polish helped me stop biting my nails so thats nice) but I’m less weird about it now. So I look forward to being less weird about it outside of my safe space. Really though, and maybe this is sad, but I’d like to be invited to girls night. Last time that group of friends had one they thought I wouldn’t enjoy it. Which is fair given that I was incognito.

Also confidence. Especially so that I can harass hateful people /fascists. Its one of lifes great pleasures.

rando895 [she/her]@lemmygrad.ml · 1 month ago

I dont know :( Right now I’m enjoying the relief of not hiding it from my partner or myself, and having a safe space at home. I play a sport competitively that I will likely have to give up so thats occupying a big part of my mind.

Its a good question though, I guess its easy for me not to look forward given the obstacles I’m going to face.

Thinking as I write, I’m looking forward to being able to be more authentic and emotionally available (this is already happening) so that I might finally be able to build meaning relationships. Also wearing clothes that I like, and not just black rectangles lol.

rando895 [she/her]@lemmygrad.ml · 1 month ago

Thank you!

rando895 [she/her]@lemmygrad.ml · 1 month ago

Lol thank you, it is a weird brain experience