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I remember how scared i was
i kept telling myself i could always stop if i wanted to. Im proud of you for taking this step!
I really don’t want to stop, I just don’t want to deal with my family about it. /work if I can’t convincingly boy or girl mode.
Youd be surprised how far a sports bra and a lie about gynecomastia can take you
No but i could convincingly boymode for like a year, halfconvincingly since then. It just hurts way more to boymode now. Plus im tall af so even when im all done up i get a “here you are sir” when buying things
Picked up a sports bra, not thrilled about the idea of saying I have gynecomastia though. Feels like an obvious lie.
I want more then a year tbh… at least with my parents. tbh maybe just infinite time socially, in this moment I am not a fan of it being public.
Yeahh… Thats… Yeah it sucks sometimes.
If youre around someone a lot theyll take longer to notice, i avoided coming out to some people for a year and they were surprised when i did, they didnt suspect a thing. But i also got blessed/cursed by the tiny tit fairy
I’m trying really hard to not turn this into another doom thread but yea I am not looking forward to being in the middle of this.
Hopefully I guess, we will see.
No doom eggnog, i thought i would never come out, but coming out was the best thing i could ever do for my own health and wellbeing. Im finally living. Ive only been alive like this for 2 or 3 years. Its wonderful tbh. Yeah it sucks sometimes. I dont want to pretend it doesnt. But the joy is worth every ounce of pain and fear. I get to be a girl and go about my day as a girl. I get to be hot, i get to be pretty, i get to wear dresses and makeup, and most people who spend more than 30 seconds with me treat me as a woman. I mean, even the chudvibes guy at the corner store calls me baby and honey and girl, even when i show up unshaved unshowered in a hoodie. (I mean, his actions arent to be emulated, like, fuck you im not your baby or honey or girl but also thank you for seeing me as a woman (just ewwphoria things lol)).
Anyway all that to say, we can recognize the hard, the terrible, and painful aspects of this, but we cant lose sight of the absolute joy of existing. Like, just existing. Sometimes i cant see it or feel it but it shows up. It shows up. Its beautiful when it does and it makes all that pain worthwhile.
Tried to not respond and was hoping sleep would make me feel better
There’s no joy in existing for me. I’m not going to be hot, or pretty. I don’t want to wear dresses or makeup. I just want the suffering to stop and ig this is the only way to minimize it. It all hurts so badly and there’s no upside.
Also you dont have to say gynecomastia. I never did, but it was something i kept in my back pocket in case the police or teachers or someone i didnt want to talk to asked questions or smth (i had to meet with police sometimes cause of visa stuff).
I’m still not out at work and its been 1.5 years and never got any comments about it (although there was that one chaser who clearly knew I was trans…). My parents, I came out to after about 6 months and they had no clue. OTOH, pretty sure my best friend knows (I haven’t actually come out to him yet), but he also had started asking if I was a girl occasionally since shortly after my egg cracked and long before I started HRT. If you get hugs though and are wearing a bra, people might notice (my friend clearly noticed).
These things are scary for me too. I’m proud of you for doing it anyway :)